| Newsflash | | | | wild promises. We should wait and see how much |
| England April 21st 2009 | | | | money is left after the costs of the move are |
| The British Government announced today that it is | | | | factored in before we get carried away. However |
| relocating its centre of operations to Poland. | | | | we do believe that the savings that can be may |
| In what is considered to be the most radical | | | | offset some of the cost of the move and probably |
| shake-up of the administration since the Roman | | | | necessitate only a small tax hike to cover the |
| invasion, Parliament and Whitehall will take up | | | | remainder. This is good news for the British tax |
| residence next year in vacant warehousing facilities | | | | payer." |
| near the dockyards in Gdansk. | | | | The move of administrative headquarters to Poland is |
| A source close to the Prime Minister said, "The | | | | but part of a broader strategy involving the |
| government has decided to take a leaf out of | | | | subsequent relocation of all British citizens to Poland, |
| private industry's book. With most public interfacing | | | | which being a geographically larger area will offer the |
| now being done via call centers in India and most of | | | | Brit more elbow room than he is accustomed to. |
| Britain's manufactured goods now being produced by | | | | As for infrastructure, that is not believed to be a |
| slave labor in the Third World, it is the turn of the | | | | problem. After decades of Communist and |
| government to remove itself to a location as remote | | | | post-Communist mismanagement, the Brits should |
| from the public as possible." | | | | feel at home with Polish infrastructure. |
| The move is believed to offer several advantages, | | | | "Poland offers many attractive incentives for the |
| not least of which is that it will enable the | | | | British to move there," said our source. "Property is |
| government to go about its business in peace and | | | | cheap and the country is almost devoid of |
| quiet. Poland is actually empty at this time, its | | | | foreigners." |
| population having upped sticks and moved to Britain | | | | Then, hinting at more long-term plans for Britain, he |
| to pursue a job vacancy at the Bingley Road Chef. | | | | added. "Ultimately we could rename Poland "Great |
| For the same reason, Polish property is cheap. This | | | | Britain" and rename Britain "Poland" and everything |
| will slash government overheads and enable it to pour | | | | would be back to normal." |
| funds into its campaign to provide shoes for our | | | | A spokesman for the opposition was scathing about |
| soldiers in Iraq. | | | | the idea: "We think the suggestion is preposterous. It |
| "By the end of next year" said our spokesman, | | | | would be better to rename the two countries |
| "every British soldier serving in Iraq will probably have | | | | "Britand" and "Polain" respectively." |
| at least one boot if this economy measure goes | | | | We surveyed the public on the idea of relocating the |
| through." | | | | government and 93% were enthusiastic about |
| An opposition spokesman however poured cold | | | | moving the government as far away as possible. |
| water on the government's "Boots for Iraq" claim, | | | | Most thought an orbiting space station would be |
| saying: "While we believe this move to be an | | | | preferable to Poland - providing the space station |
| eminently sensible idea, the government's claim about | | | | was orbiting Uranus. At least we THINK that's what |
| boots is typically premature. The public are tired of | | | | they said... |